18 July 2008

Sly Stallone Is For McCain, Are You?

Real Men Vote for McCain
Top 10 reasons why.

By Lou Aguilar
(our edits in parentheses)

1. Barack Obama spent 20 years sitting in church while his preacher and others bad-mouthed the United States of America. Navy pilot John McCain spent five years being tortured in the Hanoi Hilton, and refused a chance to walk out ahead of fellow POWs with more seniority.
(see Rescue Dawn.)

2. Obama wants to cut and run from Iraq regardless of conditions on the ground or future consequences. McCain took on the president and secretary of defense in demanding more troops for Iraq, a policy that is inarguably winning the war. He also has two sons who fought in Iraq.
(Obama has only visited Iraq once. He was last there 923 days ago. McCain has visited Iraq numerous times.)

3. McCain supports nuclear power. Obama backs wind energy.
(McCain also supports hydroelectric power.)

4. Obama wants restrictive gun control because only economically depressed middle-Americans “cling to God and guns.” McCain unwaveringly supports the Second Amendment.
(Go Constitution.)

5. McCain has deviated from his party’s conservative base on several occasions (McCain-Feingold Bill, Gang of 14, McCain-Kennedy Bill, opposition to torture). Obama has voted the left-wing line every single time, and been designated the most liberal Senator in Congress.
(Though we may not always like it, McCain is far and away the more moderate/centrist of the two candidates.)

6. Obama is willing to meet with hostile state leaders like Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez without preconditions. McCain will set conditions first, talk later — maybe.
(that was a stupid thing for Obama to say.)

7. Obama is married to a bitter, angry lawyer who became “proud” of her country for the first time this year. McCain’s wife is a beer heiress who founded an organization to provide MASH-style units to disaster-torn world regions. Did I mention that she’s a beer heiress?
(better beer than ketchup, right?)

8. Obama supports higher taxes for a government-run nanny state that will coddle all Americans like babies. McCain trusts people to spend their less-taxed money however they wish.
(huzzah for limited government.)

9. The name John McCain sounds like “John McClain,” the action hero played by Bruce Willis in the manly Die Hard series. “Barack Obama” sounds like the kind of elitist villain John McClain has to outwit and defeat.
(can you name a better action series?)

10. McCain is endorsed by Clint Eastwood, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Obama gets support from Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks, and every weenie in Hollywood. Plus, Susan Sarandon has vowed to leave the country if McCain gets elected. Case closed.
(we already blogged about Sarandon.)

Lou Aguilar is a fiction writer and former Washington Post video critic, Washington Times television critic, and USA Today reporter.

If you have tips, questions, comments, suggestions, or requests for subscription only articles, email us at lybberty@gmail.com.


Anonymous said...

can you still actually call this a college blog, jake? don't you think you ought to join the real world about now? you are getting on in years, after all, and you can't stay in the university bubble forever without moving on to the teaching end.

Tito said...

This post is funny. I think it is funny. I like funny things. Laughing is good to do. I like to read Lybberty when the group gets computer hour. Supervisor says I have to always check the potty before I read Lybberty, cause sometimes my bottom gets wet when I laugh. I hope we get to play bouncy ball tonight before bed.