'Phase 1: Elect Barack Obama; Phase 2: ?; Phase 3: Utopia!'

Bret Stephens has become a must-read columnist. (h/t Morgan H.)

This column is nearly a week old, but it's pretty timeless in the sense that Stephens applies the South Park Gnomes formula to the Obama administration. Or rather, he shows how the Obama administration is applying the South Park Gnome formula to everything they do.

"What," you're asking yourself, "is the South Park Gnomes formula?" Stephens explains:

Consider the 1998 "Gnomes" episode -- possibly surpassing Milton Friedman's "Free to Choose" as the classic defense of capitalism -- in which the children of South Park, Colo., get a lesson in how not to run an enterprise from mysterious little men who go about stealing undergarments from the unsuspecting and collecting them in a huge underground storehouse.

What's the big idea? The gnomes explain:

"Phase One: Collect underpants.

"Phase Two: ?

"Phase Three: Profit."

Lest you think there's a step missing here, that's the whole point. ("What about Phase Two?" asks one of the kids. "Well," answers a gnome, "Phase Three is profits!")

"Profits!" Seems a bit like Obama's GM & Chrysler plans, no? Can't you just feel the money rolling in?

Sorry, my mistake. That sensation you feel is your tax money going to pay back Obama's "grassroots" fundraising/election juggxrnaught, er, the UAW.

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Post #300: "Duty Calls"

Image Link (hat tip: Morgan Habedank, lost boy)


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Nordlinger, Goldberg, and the Loony Left

Since our London bedtime is quite a bit earlier than the start time for last night's debate, we've spent the morning reading up on last night's debate.

First we surfed on over to the Daily Kos. The angry wing of the democratic party never ceases to prove just how angry they are by their constant use of expletives. They're like the Red Sox fanbase before winning the World Series--you know, smug, sarcastic, bitter/jaded, frequent use of four-letter words. The whole bit. We'd provide a link, but this is a family friendly blog, after all.

Looking for less emotion and more reason, we turned our sights to National Review. Lot's of interesting stuff, but two things stood out.

First, Jonah Goldberg on why the Rosie O'Donnell wing of the Democratic party isn't just angry, but also loony:

I offer you data. Rasmussen Reports, the public opinion outfit, recently asked voters whether President Bush knew about the 9/11 attacks beforehand. The findings? Well, here’s how the research firm put it: “Democrats in America are evenly divided on the question of whether George W. Bush knew about the 9/11 terrorist attacks in advance. Thirty-five percent of Democrats believe he did know, 39 percent say he did not know and 26 percent are not sure.”

So, one in three Democrats believe that Bush was in on it somehow, and a majority of Democrats either believe that Bush knew about the attacks in advance or can’t quite make up their minds.

The problem with rebutting this sort of allegation is that there are too many reasons why it’s so stupid. It’s like trying to explain to a four-year-old why Superman isn’t real. You can spend all day talking about how kryptonite just wouldn’t work that way. Or you can just say, “It’s make-believe.”

Similarly, why try to explain that it’s implausible that Bush was evil enough to let this happen — and clever enough to get away with it — yet incapable either morally or intellectually of doing it again? After all, if he’s such a villainous super-genius to have paved the way for 9/11 without getting caught, why stop there? Democrats constantly insinuate that Bush plays politics with terror warnings on the assumption that the higher the terror level, the more support Bush has. Well, a couple of more 9/11s and Dick Cheney will finally be able to get that shiny Bill of Rights shredder he always wanted.

And, if Bush — whom Democrats insist is a moron — is clever enough to green-light one 9/11, why is Iraq such a blunder? Surely a James Bond villain like Bush would just plant some WMDs?

Not that any of this really comes as a surprise. Though it has diminished, we still field emails from our friends who insist that two planes full of jet fuel couldn't have caused the WTC to come crashing down. And before you ask, yes, we've seen the conspiracy docudrama. And Fahrenheit 9/11, and An Inconvenient Truth. What does all of this prove? You know, besides the fact that the loony left has the corner on the "documentary" market?

What's really entertaining is the constant state of ticked-offedness of the loony left brought on by Fox News. The loony left just cannot stand Fox's "Fair and balanced," Bill O'Reilly, and Sean Hannity (they probably don't like Neil Cavuto either). Consider this for a minute. Now that the shoe, apparently, is on the other foot. For years the Big Three of mainstream media, plus most newspapers, plus the supposedly "non-partisan" NPR have been echoing the liberal establishment line. Now, Fox News appears on the scene, with its appealing populist politics and absolutely obliterates all other news channels. "Jealousy and envy..." how does that 2Pac line go, Morgan?

But Fox News isn't conservative, that's just the way the world is.

Gosh, you have no idea how long we've wanted to repeat that oft-repeated liberal line about the liberal media.

Then there's this, from Jay Nordlinger:

The Democratic presidential candidates refused to participate in a debate sponsored by Fox News. (It was scheduled for Nevada, as you recall.) But the Republican presidential candidates had their first debate on MSNBC — moderated by Chris Matthews. (If a word that contains “moderate” can be used about Chris!) That tells us a lot about our political and media culture. We conservatives and Republicans can’t afford to have a pariah; but the Democrats certainly can — they write off one TV network, they got scads of others.

Of course, Democrats would say, “But Fox News is a partisan network, and MSNBC is nonpartisan, neutral, and objective.” Uh-huh.

The above matter reminded me of something: I was talking to a Muslim friend once. I said, “Saudi Arabia outlaws all churches. Yet there’s a mosque on every street corner in America. Saudi Arabia outlaws the Bible. The penalty for possessing it is expulsion from the country — if you’re a foreigner. If you’re a Saudi, the penalty is death by beheading. Yet, in America, Korans are as plentiful as comic books.

“Aren’t Saudis, particularly those in the United States — such as students — ever embarrassed by this imbalance, this disparity? Don’t they ever think, ‘Hmm, how odd: They let us do our thing, but we don’t let them do theirs’?”

And my friend answered, “No: They regard this situation as perfectly normal and proper.” I will never forget the definiteness of his answer.

As I said, I couldn’t help thinking about this, when pondering Fox News, MSNBC, and presidential debates: The Republicans are happy to go on liberal networks, knowing that this is life; the Democrats, as I have stated, can afford to have a pariah. Networks are simply supposed to be liberal, or at least liberal-leaning; everything else is a freakish, hateful blight.

Hey libs, how's Air America doing?

*Update: The distinguished Democratic Senator from Connecticut, Senator Joe Lieberman, speaks on Iraq: Time for Choosing.

**Update: Fred Thompson calls out Michael Moore.

***Update: More from the Church of the Holy Environment: an ark. You can't make this stuff up.

****Update: Global warming "consensus" fractures like the Greenland ice shelf.


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He's All Grown Up

Frequent contributor, commentist, and Friend of Lybberty--Morgan Habedank--recently created his own blog, Lost Boy. His first post is a highly entertaining Toyota commercial starring his friend, followed by a review of Maestro's Steakhouse, and finally, his thoughts on Apple's new iPhone.

We congratulate Mr. Habedank on his foray into the blog-iverse and wish him the best.


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Best. Bond. Ever.

By Morgan Habedank, Guest Film Critic

I have never been a huge Bond fan. I think I am too young to have understood and appreciated the mystique associated with Sean Connery in Dr. No or Roger Moore in The Spy Who Loved Me. The Bond movies of my era – the Pierce Brosnan era - have been very forgettable. Of the four titles from this era, Goldeneye is the only one that sparks any emotion. And sadly enough, this emotion has absolutely no connection to the film itself. In fact, I have never seen Goldeneye and I have absolutely zero desire to ever see it. Instead, the emotion is derived from the many, many, many hours spent huddled around a small television in a stinky dorm room with 15 other dudes playing pistols, licensed to kill, in the basement. The fondest memory being the controversial finish to a round late one evening which led to a rollicking fist-fight culminated by the arrival of BYU’s Finest.

When I first heard that MGM was releasing another Bond title my first reaction was one of ambivalence. Then I heard that Daniel Craig was attached and my interest was instantly piqued. I have had a semi-man-crush on Daniel Craig ever since seeing him in the excellent British gangster thriller Layer Cake. But even then, my interest was still just piqued. I wasn’t insisting on seeing it opening night. As the release date approached I began to hear rumblings that Casino Royale was going to be the re-birth of the franchise. Gone were the exploding watches and invisible cars. Cheesy innuendo and over-the-top special effects were being replaced by gritty action and inner turmoil. After hearing these rumors I actually began to get a little excited. I am a sucker for gritty action which involves characters with depth, i.e. Jason Bourne.

And then I saw the trailer. I was left breathless and on the edge of my seat. I couldn’t even concentrate on the actual feature at hand. All I could think about was the gritty opening sequence to the trailer. The piercing blue eyes of Daniel Craig. The haunting voice over of M. I was hooked. And I was shocked. I was actually excited to see a Bond movie.

And let me tell you, I was not disappointed. For those of you who have read my reviews in the past, you know that the key to an enjoyable viewing experience for me is to feel some sort of emotion while watching the film. I need to be “sucked in.” Well, the opening sequence was phenomenal. A gritty, emotional, glimpse into Bond’s inner psyche and how he became a double 0. The opening sequence was then followed by an excellent parkour based foot chase which was culminated by a fantastic shoot-out/stand-off. Much of this scene was stolen from District B13 and was not quite as exciting. I would have done the editing differently to ratchet up the intensity but I am not complaining. I was on the edge of my seat and locked in from that point on.

I don’t want to spoil the movie for anybody so I will simply say that this movie has a little something for both the men and the ladies. There is action and intrigue as well as gambling for the men. Also, one of the best movie villains I have seen in a long time. And for the ladies, well Daniel Craig takes his shirt off multiple times (and now my semi- man-crush is now a full-on man-crush). Plus, the story surrounding Bond and his love interest is developed very nicely. If you and that special someone are looking for an enjoyable evening at the local Cineplex then Casino Royale is the perfect choice. Neither party will be disappointed.

With that being said, the movie was not without its flaws in my opinion. With a few minor changes, one of which was mentioned above, this movie could go from a solid A to an A+ in my opinion. Without giving anything away, I would have modified the poker scenes and changed a few things about the last 15 minutes. If you would like to know what these minor modifications would have been, just shoot me an email and I would be happy to discuss them with you.

Finally, a word of caution for the faint of heart, there is a very awkward yet intense torture scene towards the end. Consider yourself warned.